he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
