Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
