If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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