never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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