it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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