party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
