Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
