Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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