I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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