He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
