Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
