I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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