He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
