Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
