Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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