I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
