I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
