Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
