I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
