Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
