When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
