Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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