plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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