I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
