I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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