Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
