i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
