The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
