she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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