Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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