I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
