I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
