They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
