I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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