i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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