she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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