If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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