a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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