Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
