Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
