I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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