i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
