last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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