laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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