i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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