Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
