So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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