I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I love how my cats smell like pot.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
