She is in my trunk
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
