Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You've changed since you got that strap on
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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