everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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