I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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